Ian & Stuart's Australian Mac: Not for Sale/Another.not.for.sale (Australia).iso/hold me in your arms/Pirates Manifesto 4

Text File | 1994-07-01 | 11KB | 237 lines

                 Pirates Manifesto IV
              - July 1 1994 -


      A warning to all computer retailers of a MICROSOFT sting
                               or...
      Hey Bill Gates, do you know what your Lawyer's are doing


    PRELUDE
        ~~~~~~~~

    Once again I am amazed at the spread and interest in my
    humble observations of the pirate scene.  It seems that
    both the pirates and the anti-pirates have been reading
    these manifesto's with great interest.

    Again I thank the various disk magazines that have felt
    these text to be worthy of inclusion in their mags !

    Unfortunately this time we are going onto a topic that
    most disk mags will be somewhat reluctant to get involved
    with.  We are taking on the massive dragon known as Microsoft.

    Not content to stop there we are firing a pretty deadly missile
    at one of their most senior lawyers.   Expect the shit to hit
    the fan when word of this Manifesto is brought to the attention
    of Microsoft !   Cause whether they are innocent or guilty there
    are going to be some heads rolling when they read this one.

     This latest manifesto just sort of fell into my lap and
    I decided to put it out after verifying that the information
    in it is true, the names of the naughty parties are correct
    and that it is a valuable piece of information because it
    gives YOU a clear insight into the hidden world of intrigue
    and deception that a company like Microsoft will stoop to.



    THE FOLLOWING IS EXACTLY HOW I RECEIVED THIS INFORMATION
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I work for a large Canadian law firm whose major client
    is Microsoft Canada.   During my time working with this
      law firm I have seen first hand what a bunch of losers
    Microsoft are.

    One of the lawyers of our law firm, Michael Eisener, is
    the primary legal counsel in Canada and represents them
    in all their legal dealings and by holding a senior
    position on CAAST, the Canadian Alliance Against Software
    Theft.

    I was reading some of Michael's files the other day and
    I was shocked just how truly lame Microsoft was and to
    what lengths they would go to punish small retailers in
    Canada.   I must assume that Microsoft exercises these
    same petty practices in the United States and overseas
    as well.

    Let's take one of the most petty examples I could find
    that has been employed by Microsoft repeatedly against
    approximately 300 Canadian software retailers in the last
    one year period.   You know that little 18k mouse driver
    that comes with all mice sold ?   Yah the itsy bitsy piece
    of shit driver that has no retail value and that comes
    with all mice sold around the world ?   Ok, here is how
    Microsoft set up a sting to nail naive software retailers.

    At great expense Microsoft pays the air fare of one of their
    undercover weasles to fly all the way from Washington DC to
    come to Toronto Canada.   He than proceeds to the local computer
    stores and tells them a tale of woe on how his hard drive went
    bad and he lost his mouse driver.   Feeling sorry for this poor
    out of luck computer owner, the friendly retailer takes a copy
    of this fucking 18k lame mouse driver and gives it to the guy.

    After all, no one in the world sells a mouse driver.  It is something
    that just naturally comes with every mouse package sold.  But there
    is the rub.  Take a disk editor ( or hex editor ) and take a look at
    who is the copyright holder of that 18k piece of shit - yup you will
    find the name Microsoft hidden in there.

    So this visitor from afar goes back to Washington and compiles a
    list of all the stores that he was able to suck into kindly giving
    him a copy of the mouse driver.   He sends it to Michael Eisner at
    our law firm, who than puts the wheels in motion to screw those
    computer dealers who gave out this 18k piece of nothingness.

    He begins by sending the retailer a letter.   In the letter he tells
    the retailer that one of their undercover snoops was in their store
    on X date and that the dealer gave to the snoop a copy of the mouse
    driver.   He than proceeds in the letter to explain that the lame
    mouse driver is a copyrighted piece of software, owned by Microsoft
    and that Microsoft is now demanding COMPENSATION or else the poor
    retailer is going to be dragged into court and face a civil law suit
    to recover compensation for the loss of revenue faced by Microsoft.

    At this point the poor retailer has to look at his options when he
    receives the letter.   The retailer knows it will cost several
    thousand dollars to go to court and fight the bloated wallets of
    Microsoft.   So he weighs his options - pay Microsoft a couple of
    thousand dollars to shut them up or pay his own lawyer upto $5000
    to fight the idiots.   In most cases the retailer becomes a begging
    dog pleading with Mike Eisner to accept a greatly reduce cash
    settlement.   Normally Mike likes to squeeze at least $ 2500 cash
    out of each of his victums - after all we paid almost $1000 to the
    snoop from Washington for his airfare, hotel accomodation, food
    expenses and salary ( we like to call it a consultation fee ).

    Well friends, there you have it in a nutshell.   Microsofts big
    and expensive law firm in Canada harassing small retailers - and
    for what.. a fucking mouse driver.   Do they run this sting on
    dealers using MS DOS or Windows for bait - nah why bother when
    you can suck in almost every computer dealer in North America to
    give out a free mouse driver to anyone with a sad story.

    This hidden game of deceit being carried out by our law firm is
    nothing more than a blatant cash grab against computer dealers.

    What I want to know is whether professional dickwad Bill Gates
    is personally behind this attempt to intimidate all the computer
    dealers in North America ?   Did his office tell their Canadian
    legal counsel to set forth on this course of treachery and trickery
    or did the legal counsel in Canada simply do it on his own initiative
    to score points and bucks for his law firm ?   I also am curious how
    Microsoft financially benefits from this little scam because Michaels
    billing for his services seems to always eat up every penny of money
    that is received from the dealers when they comply with his
    extortion attempt.

    All computer users should read this carefully and comprehend what kind
    of monster Microsoft is becoming in the market place.  If you did not
    believe the rumours that Billy Gates is trying to become the overlord
    of the entire computer world, maybe this will help convince you to
    what lengths Microsoft is prepared to go to make some bucks.

    To those folks who idly sit back in their comfortable chairs and laugh
    at the foolishness of the poor retailers who kindly gave mouse drivers
    to the undercover snoop, let me suggest you call around your town and
    try to purchase one of those drivers - you will not be able to do it.

    To get a mouse driver you will need to purchase a brand new mouse to
    get the diskette that comes with the mouse.  Billy Gates wonderful
    Microsoft has already collected a fee from the mouse manufacturer for
    the privilege of including that mouse driver with the hardware.

    So let us pretend that something has accidentally happened to corrupt
    your only copy of the mouse driver - you are shit out of luck buddy
    unless you have an account on a friendly pirate bulletin board that
    is willing to put something that lame online for you to download.

    How do you fight back against this kind of petty horseshit ?  Well I
    for one would strongly suggest that YOU never again ever pay for any
    software from Microsoft.   Steal it off your local pirate bulletin
    board, steal a copy from work or from your next door neighbor.  The
    only way to teach Microsoft a lesson - and their lame legal counsel
    is to hit them where it hurts - the pocket book.

    I hope this little news flash was as informative for you as it was
    for me.   Frankly I was ballistic when I read Michael's files and
    saw just how truly lame he was to be involved in such a petty and
    low life attempt to make money.   I certainly hope all that money
    he is making is going back to the coffers of Microsoft themselves
    or else maybe MS had better come and do an audit - yah never know
    if Mike is ripping off MS by abusing his authority as their legal
    counsel to extort money from computer retailers.  I did notice he
    has been spending quite a bit of money on travel lately.

    In closing let me state that I know Mike will be pissed off that
    I have let the cat out of the bag on his scam.   The poor dumb
    fucker will be letting loose his Microsoft posse to try to find
    out who wrote this so he can threaten legal action like slander
    and libel.  But hopefully Mike will always remember that slander
    and libel will only be upheld by a court of law if the offending
    comments were false.  So fuck you Mike. You know this is the truth.


    CONCLUSION
    ~~~~~~~~~~

    This is pretty explosive and damning evidence of petty corruption
    and deceit being carried out by Microsoft in Canada.  I have
    chatted with a few local retailers in the United States and they
    have told me that they had heard rumours of other retailers in
    our area that had been approached by 'total strangers' looking
    for mouse drivers.   So this may not be an isolated incident in
    Canada.   As for who this 'mystery man' is from Washington, well
    my best bet is that he is probably an agent of SPA ( Software
    Publishers Association - or better known to us as the Software
    Protection Assholes ).

    So my only conclusion to this Manifesto is to encourage everyone
    to share in this boycott against the purchasing of Microsoft
    products.   Steal em, copy em, trade em but just don't buy em.

    As for SPA, CAAST, Mike Eisener, and the 'mystery man from
    Washington' let me just say - fuck you.   This is absolute evidence
    of just how lame and petty you guys really are.

    As for any employee of Microsoft who might be lucky enough to get
    their hands on this manifesto, please send it up to Bill Gates and
    let's see if this kind of childish crap is really part of the
    corporate agenda of Microsoft.  If it isn't than maybe they might
    want to rethink Microsoft's relationship with that law firm in
    Canada.


    EPILOG
    ~~~~~~
    As for my source who supplied me with this information, do not
    fear for his safety.  We are both confident he is not likely to
    be found out. Too bad eh Michael.   Bet you want his ass now !

    One thing I would like to have explored further is Michael's
    rumoured sexual appetite for young female employees and his
    boast of 'its not size that counts'   My advice to Michael is
    to leave his libido at home when he is out of town on Microsoft
    business ahem !   Thank god he is not after little boyz !

    Pirate's Manifesto V is in production at this moment and hopefully
    I will be able to finish it sometime around July 15th for release.

    If you have any more confirmable inside poop on such low life antics
    of the big name software companies than drop me a line on Mirage !!!


                    Yours truly,

                      -* TC *-

                   ( hey you didn't think I would sign this did you ? )