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Pirates Manifesto 4
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1994-07-01
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11KB
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237 lines
Pirates Manifesto IV
- July 1 1994 -
A warning to all computer retailers of a MICROSOFT sting
or...
Hey Bill Gates, do you know what your Lawyer's are doing
PRELUDE
~~~~~~~~
Once again I am amazed at the spread and interest in my
humble observations of the pirate scene. It seems that
both the pirates and the anti-pirates have been reading
these manifesto's with great interest.
Again I thank the various disk magazines that have felt
these text to be worthy of inclusion in their mags !
Unfortunately this time we are going onto a topic that
most disk mags will be somewhat reluctant to get involved
with. We are taking on the massive dragon known as Microsoft.
Not content to stop there we are firing a pretty deadly missile
at one of their most senior lawyers. Expect the shit to hit
the fan when word of this Manifesto is brought to the attention
of Microsoft ! Cause whether they are innocent or guilty there
are going to be some heads rolling when they read this one.
This latest manifesto just sort of fell into my lap and
I decided to put it out after verifying that the information
in it is true, the names of the naughty parties are correct
and that it is a valuable piece of information because it
gives YOU a clear insight into the hidden world of intrigue
and deception that a company like Microsoft will stoop to.
THE FOLLOWING IS EXACTLY HOW I RECEIVED THIS INFORMATION
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I work for a large Canadian law firm whose major client
is Microsoft Canada. During my time working with this
law firm I have seen first hand what a bunch of losers
Microsoft are.
One of the lawyers of our law firm, Michael Eisener, is
the primary legal counsel in Canada and represents them
in all their legal dealings and by holding a senior
position on CAAST, the Canadian Alliance Against Software
Theft.
I was reading some of Michael's files the other day and
I was shocked just how truly lame Microsoft was and to
what lengths they would go to punish small retailers in
Canada. I must assume that Microsoft exercises these
same petty practices in the United States and overseas
as well.
Let's take one of the most petty examples I could find
that has been employed by Microsoft repeatedly against
approximately 300 Canadian software retailers in the last
one year period. You know that little 18k mouse driver
that comes with all mice sold ? Yah the itsy bitsy piece
of shit driver that has no retail value and that comes
with all mice sold around the world ? Ok, here is how
Microsoft set up a sting to nail naive software retailers.
At great expense Microsoft pays the air fare of one of their
undercover weasles to fly all the way from Washington DC to
come to Toronto Canada. He than proceeds to the local computer
stores and tells them a tale of woe on how his hard drive went
bad and he lost his mouse driver. Feeling sorry for this poor
out of luck computer owner, the friendly retailer takes a copy
of this fucking 18k lame mouse driver and gives it to the guy.
After all, no one in the world sells a mouse driver. It is something
that just naturally comes with every mouse package sold. But there
is the rub. Take a disk editor ( or hex editor ) and take a look at
who is the copyright holder of that 18k piece of shit - yup you will
find the name Microsoft hidden in there.
So this visitor from afar goes back to Washington and compiles a
list of all the stores that he was able to suck into kindly giving
him a copy of the mouse driver. He sends it to Michael Eisner at
our law firm, who than puts the wheels in motion to screw those
computer dealers who gave out this 18k piece of nothingness.
He begins by sending the retailer a letter. In the letter he tells
the retailer that one of their undercover snoops was in their store
on X date and that the dealer gave to the snoop a copy of the mouse
driver. He than proceeds in the letter to explain that the lame
mouse driver is a copyrighted piece of software, owned by Microsoft
and that Microsoft is now demanding COMPENSATION or else the poor
retailer is going to be dragged into court and face a civil law suit
to recover compensation for the loss of revenue faced by Microsoft.
At this point the poor retailer has to look at his options when he
receives the letter. The retailer knows it will cost several
thousand dollars to go to court and fight the bloated wallets of
Microsoft. So he weighs his options - pay Microsoft a couple of
thousand dollars to shut them up or pay his own lawyer upto $5000
to fight the idiots. In most cases the retailer becomes a begging
dog pleading with Mike Eisner to accept a greatly reduce cash
settlement. Normally Mike likes to squeeze at least $ 2500 cash
out of each of his victums - after all we paid almost $1000 to the
snoop from Washington for his airfare, hotel accomodation, food
expenses and salary ( we like to call it a consultation fee ).
Well friends, there you have it in a nutshell. Microsofts big
and expensive law firm in Canada harassing small retailers - and
for what.. a fucking mouse driver. Do they run this sting on
dealers using MS DOS or Windows for bait - nah why bother when
you can suck in almost every computer dealer in North America to
give out a free mouse driver to anyone with a sad story.
This hidden game of deceit being carried out by our law firm is
nothing more than a blatant cash grab against computer dealers.
What I want to know is whether professional dickwad Bill Gates
is personally behind this attempt to intimidate all the computer
dealers in North America ? Did his office tell their Canadian
legal counsel to set forth on this course of treachery and trickery
or did the legal counsel in Canada simply do it on his own initiative
to score points and bucks for his law firm ? I also am curious how
Microsoft financially benefits from this little scam because Michaels
billing for his services seems to always eat up every penny of money
that is received from the dealers when they comply with his
extortion attempt.
All computer users should read this carefully and comprehend what kind
of monster Microsoft is becoming in the market place. If you did not
believe the rumours that Billy Gates is trying to become the overlord
of the entire computer world, maybe this will help convince you to
what lengths Microsoft is prepared to go to make some bucks.
To those folks who idly sit back in their comfortable chairs and laugh
at the foolishness of the poor retailers who kindly gave mouse drivers
to the undercover snoop, let me suggest you call around your town and
try to purchase one of those drivers - you will not be able to do it.
To get a mouse driver you will need to purchase a brand new mouse to
get the diskette that comes with the mouse. Billy Gates wonderful
Microsoft has already collected a fee from the mouse manufacturer for
the privilege of including that mouse driver with the hardware.
So let us pretend that something has accidentally happened to corrupt
your only copy of the mouse driver - you are shit out of luck buddy
unless you have an account on a friendly pirate bulletin board that
is willing to put something that lame online for you to download.
How do you fight back against this kind of petty horseshit ? Well I
for one would strongly suggest that YOU never again ever pay for any
software from Microsoft. Steal it off your local pirate bulletin
board, steal a copy from work or from your next door neighbor. The
only way to teach Microsoft a lesson - and their lame legal counsel
is to hit them where it hurts - the pocket book.
I hope this little news flash was as informative for you as it was
for me. Frankly I was ballistic when I read Michael's files and
saw just how truly lame he was to be involved in such a petty and
low life attempt to make money. I certainly hope all that money
he is making is going back to the coffers of Microsoft themselves
or else maybe MS had better come and do an audit - yah never know
if Mike is ripping off MS by abusing his authority as their legal
counsel to extort money from computer retailers. I did notice he
has been spending quite a bit of money on travel lately.
In closing let me state that I know Mike will be pissed off that
I have let the cat out of the bag on his scam. The poor dumb
fucker will be letting loose his Microsoft posse to try to find
out who wrote this so he can threaten legal action like slander
and libel. But hopefully Mike will always remember that slander
and libel will only be upheld by a court of law if the offending
comments were false. So fuck you Mike. You know this is the truth.
CONCLUSION
~~~~~~~~~~
This is pretty explosive and damning evidence of petty corruption
and deceit being carried out by Microsoft in Canada. I have
chatted with a few local retailers in the United States and they
have told me that they had heard rumours of other retailers in
our area that had been approached by 'total strangers' looking
for mouse drivers. So this may not be an isolated incident in
Canada. As for who this 'mystery man' is from Washington, well
my best bet is that he is probably an agent of SPA ( Software
Publishers Association - or better known to us as the Software
Protection Assholes ).
So my only conclusion to this Manifesto is to encourage everyone
to share in this boycott against the purchasing of Microsoft
products. Steal em, copy em, trade em but just don't buy em.
As for SPA, CAAST, Mike Eisener, and the 'mystery man from
Washington' let me just say - fuck you. This is absolute evidence
of just how lame and petty you guys really are.
As for any employee of Microsoft who might be lucky enough to get
their hands on this manifesto, please send it up to Bill Gates and
let's see if this kind of childish crap is really part of the
corporate agenda of Microsoft. If it isn't than maybe they might
want to rethink Microsoft's relationship with that law firm in
Canada.
EPILOG
~~~~~~
As for my source who supplied me with this information, do not
fear for his safety. We are both confident he is not likely to
be found out. Too bad eh Michael. Bet you want his ass now !
One thing I would like to have explored further is Michael's
rumoured sexual appetite for young female employees and his
boast of 'its not size that counts' My advice to Michael is
to leave his libido at home when he is out of town on Microsoft
business ahem ! Thank god he is not after little boyz !
Pirate's Manifesto V is in production at this moment and hopefully
I will be able to finish it sometime around July 15th for release.
If you have any more confirmable inside poop on such low life antics
of the big name software companies than drop me a line on Mirage !!!
Yours truly,
-* TC *-
( hey you didn't think I would sign this did you ? )